I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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