I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
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also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
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I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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