My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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