I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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