just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
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Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
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he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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