he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
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i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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