i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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