I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize