Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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