okay pat passed out under dana's car
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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