i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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