Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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