it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
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ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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