His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize