Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
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When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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