Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
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He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
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Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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