If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Its about making memories worth repressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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