Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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