Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize