Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
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I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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