On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
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I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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