remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I love you. Go after that dick
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize