just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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