Pants 0. Shit 1.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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