ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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