i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize