It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
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Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
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Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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