Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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