Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
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You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize