dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize