Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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