I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
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