so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is Oprah even human
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize