dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize