Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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