Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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