I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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