How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
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I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
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I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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