Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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