does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
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so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
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I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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