billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
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So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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