Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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