Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...

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  (202): did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this... http://tfl.nu/5zp7
  Replies (29) Good night (1212) Bad night (5050)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her

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  (513): you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her http://tfl.nu/dn9c
  Replies (48) Good night (732) Bad night (5348) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.

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  (713): My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs. http://tfl.nu/vmqk
  Replies (34) Good night (3166) Bad night (684) Order T-Shirt
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory

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  (252): He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory http://tfl.nu/jj42
  Replies (20) Good night (1110) Bad night (4504) Order T-Shirt
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  (281): View more from Texas

  and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.

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  (281): and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst. http://tfl.nu/n2zz
  Replies (6) Good night (2821) Bad night (764) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.

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  (203): Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs. http://tfl.nu/c91r
  Replies (26) Good night (913) Bad night (2889) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.

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  (515): trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point. http://tfl.nu/fff7
  Replies (19) Good night (2401) Bad night (954) Order T-Shirt
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.

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  (734): you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you. http://tfl.nu/57kx
  Replies (7) Good night (1896) Bad night (979) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.

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  (210): The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple. http://tfl.nu/ks4u
  Replies (3) Good night (1216) Bad night (454) Order T-Shirt
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.

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  (618): An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name. http://tfl.nu/g5lt
  Replies (5) Good night (2310) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
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  (772): View more from Florida

  When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.

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  (772): When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny. http://tfl.nu/z1it
  Replies (14) Good night (559) Bad night (2015) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol

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  (814): Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol http://tfl.nu/gohb
  Replies (5) Good night (744) Bad night (462)
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  (619): View more from California

  It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.

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  (619): It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him. http://tfl.nu/bq38
  Replies (4) Good night (274) Bad night (915) Order T-Shirt
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?

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  (613): Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me? http://tfl.nu/ozdm
  Replies (6) Good night (288) Bad night (622) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.

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  (720): His dick is so big it could be an arm rest. http://tfl.nu/aqho
  Replies (2) Good night (714) Bad night (126) Order T-Shirt

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