Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
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Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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