Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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