Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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