I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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