I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
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You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
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I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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