listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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