My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize