So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is my gift to your gina
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize